My sanity savers

I do nothing as prep and I give no details other than texting "see you at the normal time" and they know exactly what time that is. I most certainely don't clean up the house, shower or even change out of my yoga pants. There's nothing fancy on the dinner menu, and it's definitely  not the definition of "entertaining," but when our husbands are out of town, there's an unwritten rule that we spend as many evenings and dinners together as possible. Sanity is the name of the game, and they are the key to mine.

Their kids walk in, and at one point, long ago, each kid would stand half clinging to our legs, awkwardsly staring at one another.  Now, they walk in, and without hesitation  run to the play room and make themselves at home. They know every toy and their location as well as my own children.

 My friends drop their bags in the known " guest bag spot," and head to the kitchen. If wine hasn't been poured prior to their arrival, it is shortly after and as quickly as the kids settled in, so do the moms. We take turns checking on kids, but they too are in a parenting sweet spot where the kids exstinguish many toy arguments themselves, and we sit, talk, laugh and  moan about our husbands crazy schedule.

The noise levels fluctuate (among adults and kids), but is almost always near defening.

As 5:00 rolls around we move from the living room couch to the kitchen, where they are family, not guests. And by that, I mean I put them to work. They jump in without hesitation and dinner quickly comes together. We peel the kids away from the train table or sim, and just as there is an unwritten seating assingment in church, there is one around each of our tables. The kids run to sit in "their" seat where the laughing and chaos continue at the dinner table. The division among friends kids and our own is seamless. We treat each kid as our own, cutting the little one's meal, blowing on hot food, gathering seconds for whoever asks and cleaning ups spills as they happen. While the kids eat at the table we sit on counter tops, bar stools or stand and eat, ready to attend to the next need.

The mom with the least needy child of the evening stands and begins to gather dirty dishes as kids scatter from the kithen table. They know my kitchen like their own and begin rinsing, washing and loading dishes. They know the tupperware and ziploc bag locations better than my husband and begin to package the left overs, and wipe down my kitchen to a cleaner state than when they came. We navigate over to the couch for the last few minutes, while we glance at the clock knowing bath and bedtimes are right around the corner.

These ladies numb the  loneliness of a spouse being away and squelch the pain of homesickness that still occurs at age 31. I've said it before, but I truly can't imagine living any other life than this move a lot, spend too  much time apart,worry more than most, life. If you're reading this and you're not family by blood you are by circumstance.

Halloween

I had to pop over here and document Halloween 2013.

I had initially began asking Ambrose what he wanted to be for Halloween back in September, and he excitedly informed that he'd like to be a "Wing-suit guy." A wing-suit guy is essentially a base jumper in a flying squirrel suit. John and Ambrose have watched a zillion Youtube videos of these stunts, and evidently they've made an impact. I nod along with the wing suite guy idea, knowing he'll probably change his mind at least 10 times before Halloween.

As the weeks pass, I occasionally ask him what he'd like to be, and he repeatedly replies "wing-suit guy, I already told you." I keep holding out hope that he'll change his mind, not because the fact that finding a 4T wingsuit costume is impossible, but because I fear that nobody will know who he is, and he'll feel embarassed or, he'll be made fun of in some way. I don't tell him this fear, but I still totally hold out hope that he'll change his mind and be something else. The date gets closer and we have this conversation
me: So, buddy, have you thought about what you want to be for Halloween?

A: yes mom (TOTALLY annoyed). I already told you. A wing-suit guy.

me: Buddy, Not many people watch Youtube videos of wing-suit guys and they probably won't know what a wing suit guy is. If they don't know what your costume is, how do you think that will make you feel?(like this is some sort of counseling session about feelings of rejection or something.....)

A: Hmm....I think.....I'll just tell them what I am mom. That's a good idea I think.

And that folks, was a great lesson for ME. He didn't care what they thought. This kid is like me in oh so many ways, but the fact that he didn't care what they thought made my heart sing. I spent many many years caring far too much about what others thought and feeling painfully embarrassed in a bazillion situations.

To really drive it home, the day the handmade costume arrives (from my amazingly talented, resourcesful and creative mom) he opens it, immediately puts it on,  and looks at his reflection. He opens his arms to reveal the "wings" and he literally gasps, and says "mom, I look SO cool!" And he did.

This picture just totally sums up the excitement and joy this sweet boy got from his  costume. He spent many days base jumping from anything he could climb.

Even after Halloween, he wore the wing-suit costume all day long. 

I was totally skeptical that Bram would dress up at all, but once he realized there was candy involved, that boy was onboard.