I do nothing as prep and I give no details other than texting "see you at the normal time" and they know exactly what time that is. I most certainely don't clean up the house, shower or even change out of my yoga pants. There's nothing fancy on the dinner menu, and it's definitely not the definition of "entertaining," but when our husbands are out of town, there's an unwritten rule that we spend as many evenings and dinners together as possible. Sanity is the name of the game, and they are the key to mine.
Their kids walk in, and at one point, long ago, each kid would stand half clinging to our legs, awkwardsly staring at one another. Now, they walk in, and without hesitation run to the play room and make themselves at home. They know every toy and their location as well as my own children.
My friends drop their bags in the known " guest bag spot," and head to the kitchen. If wine hasn't been poured prior to their arrival, it is shortly after and as quickly as the kids settled in, so do the moms. We take turns checking on kids, but they too are in a parenting sweet spot where the kids exstinguish many toy arguments themselves, and we sit, talk, laugh and moan about our husbands crazy schedule.
The noise levels fluctuate (among adults and kids), but is almost always near defening.
As 5:00 rolls around we move from the living room couch to the kitchen, where they are family, not guests. And by that, I mean I put them to work. They jump in without hesitation and dinner quickly comes together. We peel the kids away from the train table or sim, and just as there is an unwritten seating assingment in church, there is one around each of our tables. The kids run to sit in "their" seat where the laughing and chaos continue at the dinner table. The division among friends kids and our own is seamless. We treat each kid as our own, cutting the little one's meal, blowing on hot food, gathering seconds for whoever asks and cleaning ups spills as they happen. While the kids eat at the table we sit on counter tops, bar stools or stand and eat, ready to attend to the next need.
The mom with the least needy child of the evening stands and begins to gather dirty dishes as kids scatter from the kithen table. They know my kitchen like their own and begin rinsing, washing and loading dishes. They know the tupperware and ziploc bag locations better than my husband and begin to package the left overs, and wipe down my kitchen to a cleaner state than when they came. We navigate over to the couch for the last few minutes, while we glance at the clock knowing bath and bedtimes are right around the corner.
These ladies numb the loneliness of a spouse being away and squelch the pain of homesickness that still occurs at age 31. I've said it before, but I truly can't imagine living any other life than this move a lot, spend too much time apart,worry more than most, life. If you're reading this and you're not family by blood you are by circumstance.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Halloween
I had to pop over here and document Halloween 2013.
I had initially began asking Ambrose what he wanted to be for Halloween back in September, and he excitedly informed that he'd like to be a "Wing-suit guy." A wing-suit guy is essentially a base jumper in a flying squirrel suit. John and Ambrose have watched a zillion Youtube videos of these stunts, and evidently they've made an impact. I nod along with the wing suite guy idea, knowing he'll probably change his mind at least 10 times before Halloween.
As the weeks pass, I occasionally ask him what he'd like to be, and he repeatedly replies "wing-suit guy, I already told you." I keep holding out hope that he'll change his mind, not because the fact that finding a 4T wingsuit costume is impossible, but because I fear that nobody will know who he is, and he'll feel embarassed or, he'll be made fun of in some way. I don't tell him this fear, but I still totally hold out hope that he'll change his mind and be something else. The date gets closer and we have this conversation
me: So, buddy, have you thought about what you want to be for Halloween?
A: yes mom (TOTALLY annoyed). I already told you. A wing-suit guy.
me: Buddy, Not many people watch Youtube videos of wing-suit guys and they probably won't know what a wing suit guy is. If they don't know what your costume is, how do you think that will make you feel?(like this is some sort of counseling session about feelings of rejection or something.....)
A: Hmm....I think.....I'll just tell them what I am mom. That's a good idea I think.
And that folks, was a great lesson for ME. He didn't care what they thought. This kid is like me in oh so many ways, but the fact that he didn't care what they thought made my heart sing. I spent many many years caring far too much about what others thought and feeling painfully embarrassed in a bazillion situations.
To really drive it home, the day the handmade costume arrives (from my amazingly talented, resourcesful and creative mom) he opens it, immediately puts it on, and looks at his reflection. He opens his arms to reveal the "wings" and he literally gasps, and says "mom, I look SO cool!" And he did.
This picture just totally sums up the excitement and joy this sweet boy got from his costume. He spent many days base jumping from anything he could climb.
I had initially began asking Ambrose what he wanted to be for Halloween back in September, and he excitedly informed that he'd like to be a "Wing-suit guy." A wing-suit guy is essentially a base jumper in a flying squirrel suit. John and Ambrose have watched a zillion Youtube videos of these stunts, and evidently they've made an impact. I nod along with the wing suite guy idea, knowing he'll probably change his mind at least 10 times before Halloween.
As the weeks pass, I occasionally ask him what he'd like to be, and he repeatedly replies "wing-suit guy, I already told you." I keep holding out hope that he'll change his mind, not because the fact that finding a 4T wingsuit costume is impossible, but because I fear that nobody will know who he is, and he'll feel embarassed or, he'll be made fun of in some way. I don't tell him this fear, but I still totally hold out hope that he'll change his mind and be something else. The date gets closer and we have this conversation
me: So, buddy, have you thought about what you want to be for Halloween?
A: yes mom (TOTALLY annoyed). I already told you. A wing-suit guy.
me: Buddy, Not many people watch Youtube videos of wing-suit guys and they probably won't know what a wing suit guy is. If they don't know what your costume is, how do you think that will make you feel?(like this is some sort of counseling session about feelings of rejection or something.....)
A: Hmm....I think.....I'll just tell them what I am mom. That's a good idea I think.
And that folks, was a great lesson for ME. He didn't care what they thought. This kid is like me in oh so many ways, but the fact that he didn't care what they thought made my heart sing. I spent many many years caring far too much about what others thought and feeling painfully embarrassed in a bazillion situations.
To really drive it home, the day the handmade costume arrives (from my amazingly talented, resourcesful and creative mom) he opens it, immediately puts it on, and looks at his reflection. He opens his arms to reveal the "wings" and he literally gasps, and says "mom, I look SO cool!" And he did.
This picture just totally sums up the excitement and joy this sweet boy got from his costume. He spent many days base jumping from anything he could climb.
Even after Halloween, he wore the wing-suit costume all day long.
I was totally skeptical that Bram would dress up at all, but once he realized there was candy involved, that boy was onboard.
Friday, November 22, 2013
random pics and ramblings
It's 8:07am, and (miracle of miracles) both boys are still asleep, so I thought I'd go through some of our pics from the last few weeks/months and blog until the boys wake up (which, since I actually started to try and accomplish something, I'm sure they'll come out bleary eyed any second now).
The boys continue with their unfortonate head/facial injury streak.
The squadron here is closing down this year, which has been YEARS in the making. Honest to goodness, one year after we got here we started to hear rumblings that the squadron may close, and quite honestly, I totally doubted whether it was going to happen, but low and behold, here were are a couple months away from shutting the place down. Most of my friends will head out of here before the first of the year, which will be a total bummer since they are my sanity here. When we come back from Christmas break our squadron commander's wife said that there will about 5 families left! Life of playdates and dinners with friends will be at a minimum but hopefully we'll find life slowing down and family time increasing! Here's the boys at one of our play dates out at White Sands. It's been a total joy watching these little guys grow up together! We are in a completely unique situation, and the Air Force is basically closing the squadron here, picking up all jets, pilots and maintainers and plopping us down in a new building in FL. So, that means for the most part, we'll be moving to FL with our group of friends.
I ran another half marathon and did it in some good company! 8 kids among us and Taryn (459) rocked the half marathon while pregnant. What's your excuse for not running? ;)
They have a local gymnastics place that has open toddler gym on Saturday mornings, and last week I took the boys for the first time. It was a blast and we plan to head back to burn off energy on the weekends!
Monday, November 18, 2013
Happenings this week
date-aversary this week. Here we are at the ripe not-so-old age of 17! Those of you that knew the 17yr old john, doesn't that beanie and black hooded sweatshirt bring back memories.
*The boys had their first put put golf experience this week, and it was a blast. The whole idea was lost on Bram initially and he chucked his golf ball towards the parking lot and yelled "catch mom." We narrowly avoided paying for golf ball damage on someones Volvo. He quickly figured out the idea that he was supposed to get the ball in the hole, but the boy cheated every step of the way. I had to pose him for this picture.
*The next day I took a visit to my hair lady (the one that fixed Brammy's hair-tastrophy) and was jonesing for a change of some sort. I opted for a dark all over color, and after a day of uncertainty, I am now solidly thrilled with the color.
* For the first time in John's AF career, we had the chance to get our picture taken near the jet, so we jumped on that. It was super informal, BYO camera, and of course, there's the monumental task of getting both boys to look in the same direction at the same time... so we'll see how they turn out, but at least we tried.
Pre pictures
* Here's one we took with the phone.
Boys club
*John's job has tons of traditions, some more fun and crazier than others, but one of my favorites is a piano burning. There's probably a reason why they burn a piano, but I have no idea what it is. I do know, that it's always recipe for a good time.
Sorry it's so dark, but there it is. The giant fire ball in the background is the piano...on fire.
*last but not least, John shot an oryx. Normally, oryx are found in Africa, but at some point, ages ago, someone brought them over here to the desert of NM and they can be found here. Any who, the state issues a set number of tags each year, and John and his friend were lucky enough to draw one each. It took a few weekends of them traipsing through the dessert from 5am-6pm, but he got one. The meat is fantastic and hands down the least gamy meat of all the big game animals I've tried. We are so excited for the grocery bill break that it will bring (however, now that I type that statement, it's a total lie. I've quickly come to find that hunting is the most expensive "free" meet you'll ever eat....).
Monday, November 11, 2013
Pumpkin patch
I'm writing this in the car from my phone. All hail technology ( or not so much, because publishing this post from the car didn't work....whatevs.). We are headed up to the mountains to do some bike riding and fishing, which would be all around awesome, except bram is running slight fever (100 degrees) . Bram has been begging to go all morning ( since we told him yesterday of our fun plans), so I'm Hoping the hour long drive up and down the mountain will count as down time for him and he won't break out in the plague later this afternoon.
So, on to the reason for this post....the pumpkin patch.
My texting thumbs are already cramping, so this post will be many pictures and few words.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
sweet spot
To those of you that love parenting babies, more power to ya. For those of you that don't particularly enjoy newborn babies, high five sista....I get you. I totally thought I was a baby person, until I had a baby, and I quickly realized I'm a toddler person, or at least I hoped I was because I sure as heck wasn't a baby person and if I wasn't a toddler person OR a baby person, what in the world did I just do?!
I feel like stating the fact that babies are hard is a total no brainer, but DUDE, babies are HARD. Even average babies are hard, but jeez-la-weez, babies like Bram are thank-the-Lord-you-all-make-it-out-alive hard. No joke. I can now look back with 20/20 hindsight and know, times were dicey then. Initially I felt like maybe it was because I just wasn't a strong human being, that maybe everyone was more patient or more cut out for parenting than I was, but even my patience of saint mom assured me, Bram was no joke. I have an entire post labeled "ode to reflux" that is waiting to be finished, but literally folks, it's been sitting in my saved folder for over a year because reading through that post fills me with anxiety and I just can't finish it.
Ultimately, this post isn't about reflux, or the crying, it's about the fact that this little family in that picture totally survived. And you know what? It feels like..like..I'm coming up for air I guess. There are these little events that are happening lately that just about cause my heart to burst. They're not big milestones, they're things like going for a bike ride, all of us, at the same time....they're going to the movies together (where Bram lasted 45 minutes, which was a total success in my book!), they're having a conversation with john while the boys play together. I won't even try and kid you and tell you those moments are frequent, or that they last long, but folks, they're actually happening.
I told john the other day that I think the ages of 4 and 2 may be a kind of sweet spot. The boys are at this age where we aren't being pulled in a million different places by extra curricular activities or homework, but we do send them to preschool for a couple hours a week. We don't have serious fights about real life issues with them and currently, the threat of taking a toy away or a time out work to deter poor behavior. We don't worry where they are at night and we often ( or at least occasionally ) get a full night sleep. They're not totally dependent on us, but they still love being with us. It's a sweet spot, I can totally feel it, and man alive, I could stay here for a good long while.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Here's what we've been up to
Ambrose:
Lego building. I'm going to really have stretch and think of something else because every single free moment this boys spends building Lego's. All the practice is doing him some good because he can rock a Lego airplane. He's at the point where he digs out the instruction manual, and can follow the directions completely unassisted and either a) build the original item out of the box or b) improvise with pieces that closely resemble that piece and make it work. He also can use his imagination and build tons of things.
Soccer: I'm sure you'll remember that video of Ambrose in soccer back when he was 3. He was far from good and rarely actually participated. We went a different route this year and enrolled him in Smart Start soccer through the base, and it's more his speed. There is a coach, but each kid has one parent attending with them, and the coach sets up circuits that the kids and their parent go through. Ambrose (and Bram) and I go through each circuit and I work one on one with him. It's very basic skills, but he participates the entire time and is actually pink cheeked at the end.
School: AMbrose has an awesome teacher this year and he seems to really be enjoying school. This is the first year they've used the red, yellow and green card discipline system, and this kid is MOTIVATED by it. He stresses and stresses about staying on green the entire ride to school. He tells me about how nervous he is that he might go to yellow, we talk about what kind of choices help us stay on green, he discuesses things he could say to friends when they are making bad choices and he has ev.....He's a total worry wart, and the thought of getting a yellow card just about produces an anurism every gosh darn drive to school. He's a rule follower and a people pleaser.
bike riding: Ambrose continues to love bike riding. He's started venturing onto ramps, dirt roads and loves littering the neighborhood side walks with skid marks :)
Bram:
SChool: Brammy still hates school. He cries his little heart out at every drop off..well, not every drop off, he's held it together once!! The teacher also mentioned that during most transitions in school ( ie: leaving the classroom to go to recess, walking into music class, cleaning up for snack, any new person coming into the classroom....) he has a tough time and usually ends up crying at that time too ( so much so that he's sent to the directors office to calm down....which honest to goodness I just don't get why they send him somewhere ELSE to calm down, when they know he struggles with new situations.....). I go back and forth on whether we are making the right decision for bram.
Early Intervention: School is a perfect segway into our introduction to Early Intervention. I had been somewhat concerned about Bram's speech and both his 18 months and 24 month well baby visits and the pediatrician suggested the wait and see approach. At around 26 months I felt that he was still at the bottom end of average and just not really improving like he should. The pediatrician then referred us to Early Intervention for a speech evaluation. I hope to come back and write a post about our experience, But long story short, Bram was Bram and was very reluctant to participate. the 2 evlauators were total rock stars and were able to get him to at least interact for a while. He was found to have a 30% speech delay, but part of that is because he quit participating, and she couldn't give him credit for the parts he wouldn't participate in. Very shortly after he quit participating he had one of the biggest melt downs of his entire life! It was unreal, even for me. He doesn't have near as many melt downs at home, I think it happens more often when he's somewhere unfamiliar, in an unfamiliar situation or with unfamiliar people. Anywho, at that time they also let me know that he qualifies in an area called "coping." I wasn't sure what that was, put aparently it's for kids who have a hard time with transitions and in new situations (aka: spot on Bram) and they give the kids and parents tools on how to deal with that. We have Bram's first speech therapist visit (in our home to boot! Awesome!) and a devleopmental therapist will also come to help him in the coping area. I think it's going to be a fantastic thing for Bram!
Legos: Because Bram loves hanging with Ambrose, he has now developed a love for Lego's as well. He usually does a lot of watching and his fair share of destroying too, but if Ambrose is building he's usually there by his side.
Bike riding:
Every single time we pull in or out of the garage Bram is making a b-line for his bike. He keeps up pretty well with Ambrose and John and we are at the stage where we can actually all go on bike rides together. It's pretty awesome! Brammy is also getting the hang of coasting with his feet up, which is fun to watch!
Steph:
classes: I'm taking two continuing education classes online. My certification expires this summer, and to avoid going through the hassle of trying to renew an expired license, I'm taking the classes now. One of the classes has been a great experience and totally educational. The other one is driving me insane. The professor just doesn't have her act together and she assigns a ton of group projects, which in person is a bummer, but over the internet is a total nightmare. I absolutely can't wait for that class to be over. The classes are a large reason why I enrolled Bram in school. I use Mondays and Wednesday to try and get as much school works completed as I can.
1/2 marathon training: I've signed up for another half marathon at the end of this month. Training has been so much easier without having to do all the runs with the boys. I'm positive my time will suffer without the added challenge during my training runs, but it is a completely different experience without the boys!
mom-ing: It goes without saying, that the boys are what keeps me the busiest. There's a lot of refereeing and tons of putting out Lego tantrums, but the ages 4 & 2 are pretty stinkin awesome!
John:
hunting: One of the only positives of the whole government shutdown/ the jets being grounded is John has had a little more free time. He's been using some of that time to hunt. He helped a friend skin and drag an elk out of the woods over the weekend, and then was able to do some dove hunting this week. The time he spends hunting is a restorative time for him. He comes home from hunting trips refreshed and ready to dive into playing with the boys.
work: that's a no brainer, but felt I had to include it or else you'd think he was unemployed.
dad-ing: As stated before, the ages of 4 & 2 are rocking are socks off. They are so much fun right now, and love playing and running around together. However, their favorite person to play with is John. The boys ask a million times a day when daddy is coming home. Fun arrives when he walks through the door. He is a master Lego builder ( much much better than me, which Ambrose reminds me of frequently), rides bikes and plays every game they ask him to.
Lego building. I'm going to really have stretch and think of something else because every single free moment this boys spends building Lego's. All the practice is doing him some good because he can rock a Lego airplane. He's at the point where he digs out the instruction manual, and can follow the directions completely unassisted and either a) build the original item out of the box or b) improvise with pieces that closely resemble that piece and make it work. He also can use his imagination and build tons of things.
Soccer: I'm sure you'll remember that video of Ambrose in soccer back when he was 3. He was far from good and rarely actually participated. We went a different route this year and enrolled him in Smart Start soccer through the base, and it's more his speed. There is a coach, but each kid has one parent attending with them, and the coach sets up circuits that the kids and their parent go through. Ambrose (and Bram) and I go through each circuit and I work one on one with him. It's very basic skills, but he participates the entire time and is actually pink cheeked at the end.
School: AMbrose has an awesome teacher this year and he seems to really be enjoying school. This is the first year they've used the red, yellow and green card discipline system, and this kid is MOTIVATED by it. He stresses and stresses about staying on green the entire ride to school. He tells me about how nervous he is that he might go to yellow, we talk about what kind of choices help us stay on green, he discuesses things he could say to friends when they are making bad choices and he has ev.....He's a total worry wart, and the thought of getting a yellow card just about produces an anurism every gosh darn drive to school. He's a rule follower and a people pleaser.
bike riding: Ambrose continues to love bike riding. He's started venturing onto ramps, dirt roads and loves littering the neighborhood side walks with skid marks :)
Bram:
SChool: Brammy still hates school. He cries his little heart out at every drop off..well, not every drop off, he's held it together once!! The teacher also mentioned that during most transitions in school ( ie: leaving the classroom to go to recess, walking into music class, cleaning up for snack, any new person coming into the classroom....) he has a tough time and usually ends up crying at that time too ( so much so that he's sent to the directors office to calm down....which honest to goodness I just don't get why they send him somewhere ELSE to calm down, when they know he struggles with new situations.....). I go back and forth on whether we are making the right decision for bram.
Early Intervention: School is a perfect segway into our introduction to Early Intervention. I had been somewhat concerned about Bram's speech and both his 18 months and 24 month well baby visits and the pediatrician suggested the wait and see approach. At around 26 months I felt that he was still at the bottom end of average and just not really improving like he should. The pediatrician then referred us to Early Intervention for a speech evaluation. I hope to come back and write a post about our experience, But long story short, Bram was Bram and was very reluctant to participate. the 2 evlauators were total rock stars and were able to get him to at least interact for a while. He was found to have a 30% speech delay, but part of that is because he quit participating, and she couldn't give him credit for the parts he wouldn't participate in. Very shortly after he quit participating he had one of the biggest melt downs of his entire life! It was unreal, even for me. He doesn't have near as many melt downs at home, I think it happens more often when he's somewhere unfamiliar, in an unfamiliar situation or with unfamiliar people. Anywho, at that time they also let me know that he qualifies in an area called "coping." I wasn't sure what that was, put aparently it's for kids who have a hard time with transitions and in new situations (aka: spot on Bram) and they give the kids and parents tools on how to deal with that. We have Bram's first speech therapist visit (in our home to boot! Awesome!) and a devleopmental therapist will also come to help him in the coping area. I think it's going to be a fantastic thing for Bram!
Legos: Because Bram loves hanging with Ambrose, he has now developed a love for Lego's as well. He usually does a lot of watching and his fair share of destroying too, but if Ambrose is building he's usually there by his side.
Bike riding:
Every single time we pull in or out of the garage Bram is making a b-line for his bike. He keeps up pretty well with Ambrose and John and we are at the stage where we can actually all go on bike rides together. It's pretty awesome! Brammy is also getting the hang of coasting with his feet up, which is fun to watch!
Steph:
classes: I'm taking two continuing education classes online. My certification expires this summer, and to avoid going through the hassle of trying to renew an expired license, I'm taking the classes now. One of the classes has been a great experience and totally educational. The other one is driving me insane. The professor just doesn't have her act together and she assigns a ton of group projects, which in person is a bummer, but over the internet is a total nightmare. I absolutely can't wait for that class to be over. The classes are a large reason why I enrolled Bram in school. I use Mondays and Wednesday to try and get as much school works completed as I can.
1/2 marathon training: I've signed up for another half marathon at the end of this month. Training has been so much easier without having to do all the runs with the boys. I'm positive my time will suffer without the added challenge during my training runs, but it is a completely different experience without the boys!
mom-ing: It goes without saying, that the boys are what keeps me the busiest. There's a lot of refereeing and tons of putting out Lego tantrums, but the ages 4 & 2 are pretty stinkin awesome!
John:
hunting: One of the only positives of the whole government shutdown/ the jets being grounded is John has had a little more free time. He's been using some of that time to hunt. He helped a friend skin and drag an elk out of the woods over the weekend, and then was able to do some dove hunting this week. The time he spends hunting is a restorative time for him. He comes home from hunting trips refreshed and ready to dive into playing with the boys.
work: that's a no brainer, but felt I had to include it or else you'd think he was unemployed.
dad-ing: As stated before, the ages of 4 & 2 are rocking are socks off. They are so much fun right now, and love playing and running around together. However, their favorite person to play with is John. The boys ask a million times a day when daddy is coming home. Fun arrives when he walks through the door. He is a master Lego builder ( much much better than me, which Ambrose reminds me of frequently), rides bikes and plays every game they ask him to.
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